The Status Ailment Series
by Pretty Racing
Summary: Slash. BalthierVaan. This small series is tales of each status ailment in FFXII with a slashy tone. Sixth: Balthier doesn't mind K.O. ... unless it involves a certain blond minx...
1. Stop

Note: This is a first in a series, there will be more along soon, each with a different ailment, and each Balthier/Vaan.

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**  
The Status Ailment Series**

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**In the Ancient City of Giruvegan...**

Balthier struck down the last Gargoyle Baron and smiled in triumph. "Twenty-seven down... probably a million to go." He joked and turned Vaan and Fran, his current party. The other three were just a few paces behind them.

Balthier frowned at Vaan's unmoving body. _'Not again'_ he sighed. "This is getting ridiculous. Another stop? Bloody hell." He muttered as he stalked towards the desert thief.

"I'll use a Chronos Tear." Penelo volunteered as she, the Princess, and the former captain jogged over.

"Don't bother. It's a waste. Save it for a boss when we'll really need it. He'll unfreeze in a minute," Balthier snapped. "I'll just carry his arse."

Balthier struggled for a moment with Vaan's unmoving body and then he was carrying Vaan newlywed style.

"Balthier, let me carry him, you'll tire faster than I." Basch stepped forward. He was, after all, more heavily muscled and sturdier than the pirate.

"No," Balthier snapped. He was in _quite_ the mood. The little princess couldn't listen to him just once? He said clearly that barging into the mist filled Ancient City of Giruvegan would be a bad idea, that it was dangerous, that they might not come out alive. Poor Vaan had been stopped eight times before this. But no, she had to blaze on, following the ghost of her dead husband, and screwing them all over. 'When I find Cid I'm going to rip him a new arsehole. No, make that THREE new arseholes!'.

Basch was still standing next to him frowning, with his arms held out as if to take Vaan.

Balthier glared right back and stood unmoving with the boy in his arms. Did Basch think him daft? He saw how Basch eyed Vaan, and there was _NO_ way he was letting the former general hold _HIS_ Vaan. That lecherous old bag.

Luckily, before Basch could try to insist again, Vaan's stop wore off.

"Balthier, I'm not a six year old girl, let me down." Vaan squirmed until Balthier set him down.

"Do you think you could at least try to dodge the next time? That makes nine times. Nine." Balthier glared.

"Hey, at least I'm not getting Sapped every three seconds like–"

"Why don't you and I trade places, Balthier? To ease some of the tension?" Basch intervened in what he knew would become a shouting match, especially since Ashe was the Sap victim.

"No." Balthier growled through a glenched jaw. The nerve! Basch last practically old enough to be Vaan's _Father_. A young Father, but none the less... "We'll keep on moving. The faster we get through here, the faster we can leave this gods-forsake place. C'mon." He stalked off towards another staircase.

Vaan glanced between the older men, he couldn't help but feel he missed something. Something about him. He shrugged at Penelo's curious glance and jogged after the irate pirate and his Viera partner.

"At least when I'm sapped, I can heal myself." Ashe muttered darkly.

Basch just sighed and shook his head. There would be more opportunities, that he could be sure of.

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Note: I intend no Basch!bashing. I do rather like him. Review? 


	2. Blind

**The Status Ailment Series**

**-**

**In the Deadlands of Nabudis...**

The Deadlands of Nabudis was probably the most terrifying place Vaan had ever been. The fog was suffocating and as thick as a sand storm, but with a ghostly silence. And it was a muddy and murky marsh that was difficult to move in when the sludgy waters came up to the knees. The marsh also had ferns that towered over them and hid plenty of nasty Banshees. And the Baknamies kept coming out of no where. A brief shadow and then bam! Their haste filled attacks came raining down. And Vaan didn't even want to think about the Dark Elementals that they avoided like a plagued corpse.

It was no surprise then that Balthier and Basch led the two parties. Vaan practically clung to Balthier when they divided up. Sure, Basch was a muscle power house and swung the Save the Queen with deadly accuracy, but Balthier slipped through the water and fog while barely disturbing a fern. Of course Vaan tried to be as silent, and failed miserably. Balthier was like a cat, Vaan didn't even know where he was half the time until something attacked or he wanted Vaan to go a certain way. At least he knew Fran was at his back. She had just purchased the Perseus Bow and was a little more than eager to see how well it tested against the marshy monsters.

But the absolute worst part about the Deadlands of Nabudis? Those damn Bone Skeletons and their damned Blind spells. At least they dropped tons of eye drops. Which why did they have those anyways? 'Did they keep accidently Blinding themselves?'

Speak of the Devils. Vaan emerged from a group of ferns only to be attacked by two Bone Skeletons. Balthier emerged from the ferns beside him, 'had he been next to me all along?'

"I see you found more trouble, Vaan." Balthier twirled his Eight-fluted Pole cheekily.

Vaan didn't reply, he was too busy casting Shell on the party, and then one of Fran's thunder arrows wiz-ed very close to his ear as it hit it's mark.

The first Skeleton went down rather quickly, and half way into the second one Vaan's world grew dark. 'Son of a shifty Seeq!' Van swore. 'Not again!'

Balthier and Fran easily finished off the second Bone.

"Looks like our desert flower is lost in the dark again." Fran scoffed. Vaan was pretty sure it was a hobby for her to come up with new and creative ways to describe which ailment now plagued him.

"Ah yes, my poor little thief." Vaan jumped, Balthier's voice came from his immediate left, much closer than he thought the pirate was.

"Do you have any eye drops?" Vaan asked as he patted his pockets blindly.

"Not just yet my Pet." Vaan gasped as a warm hand snaked around to his front and traced a light pattern on his exposed stomach. "They say when one sense goes, the others worker harder to compensate. So, when blinded, one become more... sensitive." Balthier murmured against his neck. Vaan mewed as Balthier's tongue found that spot behind his ear and then he nipped. Balthier wrapped his second arm around him as he lost his balance and fell backwards, further into Balthier's heat.

"I know how you enjoy your thief, but this is not the time or the place, Balthier." Fran's annoyed voice crashed through Vaan's nirvana.

"I know, but sometimes I just can't resist." Balthier chuckled and he squeezed Vaan's ass, 'when had it gotten there?' before a few drops of liquid hit Vaan's eyes.

Vaan blinked a few times as Fran shook her head is annoyance and Balthier winked. 'Well... perhaps the Deadlands aren't that bad...'

-Fin-

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Review?


	3. Silence

**The Status Ailment Series**

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**On the Phon Coast**

Sometimes Vaan said stupid things. For instance, the first time their little intrepid group set out to Brujebra, about five minutes after they agreed to call no one by their real name–especially the highly wanted (and thought dead) Basch–Vaan blurts out said captain's name. And it was in front of the son of the Emperor.

And then when Penelo joined the group, those two would natter away like two gossipy aunts at a wedding! Or they were arguing over petty things, like who got the window seat on the airship, or who got to hold Larsa's hand. Silly things like that.

Van was at his best when he was panting, pouting and slightly flushed. Vaan drew another breath and then yelled something else, which no one heard. It was probably, 'cure me you bastard' or something else just as in eloquent.

"Not just yet Vaan. I was getting a headache from your running commentary on the horrible smell of that one jellyfish that washed up on the shore a while back. Now I get a break."

Currently it was just the two of them in their party. All six of them had split into pairs to make the battles more difficult while they all went through the tedious task of leveling up. Vaan had just been silence by a mandragora, yes a mandragora of all things, that attacked them unprovoked, while walking along one of the cliff walls of the Phon Coast. Maybe it sensed Vaan's like of fresh salads.

After one quick blow, the mandragora was no more, and Balthier and Vaan were, thankfully, left in silence.

Balthier started to saunter off, smug about his silenced companion, who was out of echo screens, even though it would be ten times worse when the spell finally wore off.

Vaan glared at his retreating back before growling, which went unheard, and tackling the smug sky pirate to the ground.

"What the bloody hell is wrong with you?" Balthier swore, and with a quick maneuver and a quick twist brought Vaan underneath him, and he now straddled the Rabanstran. Vaan started to squirm and wiggle, which made Balthier tighten his grip and grab his hands to pin them above his head. "You cheeky little chit! I cannot believe that you attacked me, you juvenile, immature–"

Vaan leaned up silenced Balthier the old fashion way. With a kiss.

Balthier broke it off almost immediately and glared down at the now coy looking desert boy. He glared. Vaan smiled. "And then you have the nerve to kiss me half-arse?" Balthier finished his rant.

Vaan looked indignant at that comment.

"This is how you kiss," Balthier murmured just before plunging into the slightly parted and chapped lips. Vaan wiggled and writhed in attempt to get closer. Balthier obliged by letting his full weight lay upon him. Vaan whined and moaned for more, but nothing could be heard besides his heavy breathing.

Balthier paused his ministrations, much to Vaan's irritation, and looked down at him. Yes, Vaan was best when he was panting, pouting and slightly flushed, but he had to have the little mewls of pleasure, the whines, the moans, the breathy sighs that Vaan couldn't control and drove Balthier crazy with desire. He whispered a quick "vox" before diving back down and continuing his plundering of his desert treasure.

And Vaan gasped, and moaned, and cried, which was all heard by a troop of Mandragoras and a puzzled giant toad.

-fin-

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Review? please! I adore all your comments! and commenting makes me update faster! I promise!


	4. Confusion

**The Status Ailment Series**

**-**

**In the Garden of Decay, The Salikawood**

Vaan ached all over, like his life was slowly draining away in the most painful manner, but he couldn't really see anything besides shapes and colors, and nothing was making sense. Where was he? Why was he fighting? Who was he fighting? Whose voice surrounded him? Panic slowly burned through his veins. Was that an enemy? A foe out to hurt him? He slashed blindly at something at his left.

He stumbled a bit as his sword never connected with anything. There was something here, was that slithering off to his right? And what was that behind him? Once again he slashed blindly and this time he connected with something. He dimly heard a "_fuck that hurt_", but his brain didn't register it.

Suddenly a strong grip surrounded him, forcing him to drop his sword. It sent Vaan into a frenzy. But then there was a strong voice in his ear, calming him, reassuring him, soothing him. His mixed up mind couldn't handle the words, but the tone came through and Vaan stopped moving. Balthier? It had to be Balthier, Basch wouldn't hold him, and none of the girls were big enough to hold him... well, perhaps Fran but Vaan didn't really want to go there.

But where did Balthier come from? He wasn't with Balthier... he was with Basch. Wasn't he? Maybe he wasn't. Everything in his brain was so confusing! Didn't they split up into twos again? There were looking for something... something that Vaan liked... Was it those onions? Tomatoes perhaps? Which ever one lived ... where ever he was now and carried those ... fruits? Yes! They were looking for fruit! But he was paired with Basch... wasn't he? Or was it Balthier? No, it was Basch. Vaan congratulated himself on his successful reasoning in his panicked state. So why was Balthier there? Maybe Balthier came to his rescue. The pirate did like having his heroic moments, even if he didn't like to admit it.

Now there was a hand stroking his hair. Vaan leaned up into the touch, he loved his hair being touched. Penelo used this to her advantage all the time, she was constantly brushing his hair and sneaking in a flower or a bow when she could get away with it. Vaan hated bows and flowers in his hair, but it was worth the occasional bow if it meant someone else was brushing his hair. He didn't realized Balthier knew his weakness. Or perhaps it was coincidence. Whichever Vaan did not want the touch to leave him and he snuggled closer to the warm body.

He could see colors, but they were swirling, and still couldn't really see anything. And why wasn't Balthier curing him? He was such a sadist. He never cured Vaan from his status effects because he enjoyed watching Vaan semi-helpless, and then usually took advantage of him. Not that Vaan minded the last part. But still, Balthier was such a pervert.

Vaan wrapped an arm around Balthier's waist and tried to nuzzle into his chest. Balthier's chest seemed slightly broader than usual, maybe the spell on Vaan was making him shrink? His arms were getting smaller! He had to get this spell off of himself. Vaan broke out of Balthier's grip and started flailing. What if everything was getting smaller? What if he was turning into a child? Then he couldn't be with Balthier!

Balthier grabbed him again before he could damage anything and pulled him back into his chest. But Vaan kept struggling. He had to get away! Get away and find a cure, so that he would stop shrinking. Why couldn't Balthier just cure him?

Vaan's irrational thoughts were silenced by lips descending down on his. They felt different than normal, perhaps because of the spell. They seemed rougher, and there was more stubble, and it felt strange and foreign. The kiss didn't even feel right. Something was... off. The spell! Vaan couldn't believe a spell could change a kiss that much. It was just crazy. His perceptions were off, that was all.

But then the lips were gone and Vaan felt himself pulled away and there was angry shouting. Was something else attacking again? But Balthier had his sword! How could he fight an enemy when he didn't know who was fried or foe?

Vaan's rising panic was quelled by smelling salts that were thrust abruptly under his nose. The fog and swirling confusion that dominated his thoughts lifted and he could see clearly again. He was standing beside, and slightly behind Balthier, who was yelling at Basch.

"–taking advantage of him while he's incoherent and can't tell the difference between a chocobo and an imp! You fucking bastard!" Balthier finished with a rather frightening snarl.

Vaan stared horrified at Balthier's shoulder as realization crashed over him. Balthier hadn't felt different, he was kissed by Basch! He _kissed_ Basch!

"He attacked me, I was just trying to get him to calm down so I could get to my smelling salts." Basch defended himself by shouting right back.

"By kissing him? That's not calming him down!" Balthier spat and then yanked Vaan to his side again as he started to storm out of the clearing. "We're returning to the Strahl. You and Penelo continue this fucking quest."

Basch had no time to protest as Balthier stormed out of the clearing while dragging along a very mortified Vaan.

-Fin-

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Review? 


	5. Berserk

**The Status Ailment Series**

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**In the Cerobi Steppes...**

It had been two days. TWO days. And Balthier was still seething in anger. Hadn't he made it clear to everyone that Vaan was off limits? That he was Balthier's? Couldn't they not see the subtle hints he left? The cheeky comments he always said? The occasional pinch on Vaan's arse when he was least expecting it? (Which should not be done during a quickening chain, as he learned the hard way.)

But still, Basch took advantage of Vaan! He was confused! He didn't know who was kissing him. Vaan even admitted to that one, "I thought it was you," he had mumbled after they had boarded the _Strahl_ after the Incident. Poor Vaan, being taken advantage by person he had thought killed his older brother. He must be traumatized.

At least when _He_ took advantage of Vaan he knew who was his attacker and was coherent enough to protest if he wanted ...except that Stop incident. And perhaps that other time with Immobilize...

Balthier was startled out of his thoughts as a Charybterix narrowly missed dive bombing his head. Now where had that come from?

"Balthier! You idiot! This thing has been attacking us for the past six minutes!" Penelo yelled in frustration right before sending a Lightening Arrow from her crossbow at the giant bird. Before Balthier had a change to attack Vaan's Firaga finished off the monster. "You haven't paid attention all day. That was the fourth monster that has nearly taken off your head!" Penelo stomped. The girl was always chipper and cheerful, but Balthier's poor attitude the past two days had been setting everyone, especially her, on edge. She could understand his anger at strolling into a clearing only to find Captain Basch kissing Vaan. But it wasn't even a good kiss, there's wasn't even a hint of tongue.

"Look! Two wolves! Let's go!" Vaan hastily interrupted the brewing argument and dashed off towards the two unaware Silver Lobos.

Balthier shook his head and began to follow, only to be stopped by the petite blonde. "Nuh-uh. I don't trust you in battle right now. _Berserk_." Penelo cast the bloodlust spell over the Sky Pirate.

Balthier despised Berserk, the feeling of losing all rational thought and control and then slaughtering and maiming every non hume creature. Mostly, he just hated losing command and not being able to control his actions anymore. Penelo never used the spell either, the one time it was cast on her she cried for a day because she killed a Giza Plain Hare. Despite learning the ability, she had never used it before. The group usually only used the spell on Ashe or Basch and they would then melee with their heavy swords.

Balthier's vision took on a red tint as his blood temperature began to rise and he could feel his blood pounding as it rushed through his veins. His vision shifted from Penelo, to the running Vaan and then settled on the now alert Silver Lobos. Enemy! His mind screeched, and with little conscious effort, he was off running towards the wolflike creatures.

Vaan slashed the first Lobo and was preparing for a second when Balthier appeared from seemingly nowhere and struck down the snarling animal. Vaan yelped in surprised and fell backwards. _Where...?_ He thought briefly before noticing the Berserk spell. "Penelo, he's going to be so angry when it wears off," Vaan warned.

"Yeah, well he deserves it," she huffed as she ran up to her best friend.

Balthier twirled his Eight-Fluted Pole for a moment before attacking the second Lobo. It fell with one well aimed hit.

"Woo! That's more like it!" Penelo cheered and danced a small victory dance.

Balthier scanned the horizon, but he didn't see any threats. He shifted restlessly for a moment before his gaze rested on the blonde thief. Vaan was slightly sweaty, and deliciously flushed from the exercise. He stretched his arms above is head and cracked his back, exposing his lithe frame.

The poor thief never knew what hit him.

Balthier's bloodlust shifted to lust and Balthier tackled Vaan to the patchy grass. Balthier was still in a red haze, and bit into Vaan's shoulder as he roughly dug his fingernails into Vaan's backside. Vaan let out a half moan half groan at the sudden pain. Poor Penelo stood in shock as Balthier attempted to devour her best friend.

"Bal...Balthier!" Vaan gasped as the pirate's animalistic mind figured out how to slip into Vaan's tight pants and cruelly gripped his smooth cheeks. Balthier growled in response before diving into a painful kiss that was all teeth and slippery saliva.

Penelo snapped back into awareness after another one of Vaan's painful moans. "C..Cure!" She shouted, but only became more flustered as the energizing affects of the spell just caused Balthier to rut harder against Vaan. "Esu... DISPEL!" She finally shouted out the correct spell.

Balthier blinked for a moment as he assessed his situation. His hands were still gripping Vaan's ass, who was blushing like mad, and bleeding from bite marks along his shoulder and collar bone. Both were panting heavily and Penelo was standing a few feet away, red as a rouge tomato.

He grinned roguishly at the young girl, "this is clearly an example why Berserk should not be used on a Pirate."

-Fin-

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Notes: I'm sorry this took so long! the dreaded Real Life kicked my ass around for awhile... and still is, but i needed a break and wanted some Bal/Van action...


	6. KO

**The Status Ailment Series**

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**At The Pharos, in They Who Thirst Not**

Pylraster was insanely fast. If Rekken, thought he was fast, he obviously never saw this damn dinosaur. One minute he was chomping Penelo like a Sunday snack, and then snap! His tail slammed into Vaan and the thief went flying like a dirty, limp rag into the trash. And he didn't move. Neither did Penelo, but he'd let Fran worry over the little desert girl while Basch and Ashe rushed into the fray.

Balthier never minded when people were K.O.-ed. A simple spell or Phoenix Down and they were forced back up, forced to fight after being unconscious a moment before. But the first time he saw Vaan Knocked Out, Balthier felt all his innards squeeze in an unpleasant manner and his palms grew cold and clammy. And that was before they started fucking like bunnies.

This time was no different.

Ashe launched into a Quickening, that would do little good, "I must ... endure!"

Balthier rolled his eyes and stepped out of the battle to let Basch and Ashe waste their MP on a string of Quickens. He wasn't wasting his precious MP, thank you very much.

Vaan way lying a few paces away, unmoving and barely breathing. A large gash graced his chest when the tail hit his unprotected skin. Balthier grimaced and gathered his magic for a spell. With Vaan, he always used magic when it came to serious injuries. It was warmer, coming back with a spell then the harsh and cold jolt Phoenix Downs always have.

Vaan moaned and opened his eyes. "Whose stupid ass idea was it to go after this stupid Mark?" He groaned and probed his wound.

"That would be your 'stupid ass' idea, Pet. I'm glad you finally realize how dumb and time consuming your little ventures into the world of Hunting are. And don't get me started on the Hunt Club." Balthier criticized as he hovered over the desert boy.

"I know. But the rewards are so worth it," he moaned as he remembered the last trinket that he earned. Balthier shook his head at his materialistic little churl. "And I always make it worth your time." Vaan purred and looked up at the sky pirate through sooty lashes with a '_fuck me'_ pout.

Dirty cheeks, chapped lips, sinful tawny eyes, and delectable body. Balthier wouldn't have Vaan any other way. "Yes, you do." Balthier hummed in agreement, he murmured a Curaga that healed the nasty gash right up. "And you owe all of us quite a bit after this Hunt."

Vaan cocked his head playfully, "and shall I thank them all in the same manner as I do you?" He smiled prettily.

"You let Basch so much as _touch _your arm in anything but a comrade-ish way, I'll _castrate _the good Captain and _chain _you to my bunk in the _Strahl_," Balthier growled and pulled Vaan to his feet.

Vaan's breath hitched as images played through out his mind. "Could we practice that last bit?" He asked breathlessly.

"Oh don't you fret my Pet, but first..." Balthier turned to face the Pylraster. Ashe and Basche were still chaining. Somehow. "Give me strength!" Balthier rolled his eyes at Ashe's melodramatic lines. So he grabbed Vaan for a quick little preview.

Their open mouths mashed together violently. Teeth collide and Vaan's gums bruised. But that didn't matter in the intense heat, warring tongues, and Vaan's helpless moan. Balthier broke off the short kiss, if it could be called that, as the last crackles of Ark Blast faded. He then charged back into battle, energized. Vaan stumbled at first, but followed him back in to the fray as Ashe was struck down.

-**fin**-

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Bad and Good news all... Bad News first: this series won't be updated for awhile... just occasionally here and there... and the Good News: I'm working on an Epic-ish story! I'm not sure when it'll be ready, even a prolouge/first chapter, but hopefully you'll stick around to find out what it'll be about! 


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